IT'S not your fault
if you know you're being abused, if you know something is wrong, if you even enjoy what is happening, or if you're afraid what will happen if you say stop .. whatever you're feeling, please know that it isn't your fault. it is always the adult's fault. And doing wrong to a child is very very bad and they are abusing you, even if they tell you they love you. If an adult is mistreating you in any way, that is not love, it is abuse.
you're not alone. too many other children have been abused in the past, and many other children like you are being abused today. in every case, it is wrong and it is the adult's fault.
who to talk to
you're not alone and you can speak out. if you are worried what will happen if you say stop it, then speak to someone you can trust. sometimes, telling someone else is very difficult to do, so think about who you would feel comfortable to tell. here are some suggestions for you:
- ChildLine
- the police - 999 if you are in immediate threat, 101 if you are safe at the moment
- another family member
- a teacher
- a family friend
- your neighbour
- someone in authority - GP, medical professional,
what might happen
you can ask if they can spare some time as you want to ask them about something important. then, if youre not sure if what you're experiencing is abuse, explain to them what concerns you, and ask whether it is abuse. you can start by asking them to promise to keep it confidential before you tell them, and (depending on the details) you can also tell them what happens without telling them who it is, this is how they might react:
- they might want to confront the person - ask them not to
- they might want to phone the police
- they dont believe you and dismiss it .. often, people who know the person will initially react with disbelief that they could abuse a child .. ask them not to mention it to anyone, especially not the abuser .. speak to someone else that you trust, to get a second opinion
if youre worried that they will go to your abuser, then this might put you at risk of getting in trouble, so think carefully about who you choose to tell. people in authority - teachers, police, GP, medical person - will always put your safety first and protect you from danger.
in cases where what you tell is abuse, and you are at risk of being abused again, this might mean that they take decisions for you, such as contacting another family member or relative for you to stay with, or moving you to somewhere (for example a foster home). you should insist on being involved in what happens to you.
ABUSE CHANGES LIFE
never your fault, but there is always a way to stop it
NEVER YOUR FAULT
the adult is Abusing you, controllin you, abusing your trust
being mistreated is never your fault
even if you enjoy, you are seeking love, and pleasing someone you care for is for you love. but alongside it is a knowledge within that there's something not right. a child's mind doesn't think sex, doesnt understand sex, just the stimulation; this is the case even after puberty. An adult knows different. they might have been abused as a child. whatever the reason, they ARE betraying your trust in them and their DUTY as a parent, friend, whoever they are - it is simply ABUSE. It both abuses you and leads to mental scars, betrays your learning of what love really is, and denies you the proper healthy nurturing experiences that you deserve. It is 100% every adult's role to provide children with positive life experiences, so that you can grow up, find yourself, and be ready to face the world. If an adult abuses you in any way, it is their fault.
your rights as a child and young adult
as soon as you were born,
nurture
love
family
friendships
how do i know if i'm not being loved the way i deserve?
being touched in your private parts
parent or carer, brother or sister, other family member, family friend, teacher, employer, health worker such as a GP, stranger who approaches you
being told to keep it secret, or that it's special, or that you'll be punished if you tell
how do i say no?
sometimes
afraid that you'll be rejected by your family, or where you live
being threatened with punishment if you dont
being physically forced
being threatened that someone else will be hurt if you dont
how do i make it stop?
nothing that any adult does with you should be a secret. you should be able to tell others whatever an adult does
its very difficult when a parent
being nurtured
learn, develop, find yourself (who you are), learn the true meaning of love,
friendships
school trips
trusting peers
when you go through puberty
physically develop, can be rapid changes, hormones can make your outlook change, but you are also learning about life and this takes longer - which is why adults MUST still respect you as a child in terms of how they behave to you physically
enjoy these years
deodorant
a confusing time, many changes, learning about sex, but you must be nurtured to not confuse sexual drive with the love that you have already learned about
don't experiment with adults, certainly not over 18 - they WILL be abusing you. You have an absolute right to develop and explore the world for yourself, with others who are developing too.
dont respond to anyone - including any family and known friends of the family - who responds to your development by encouraging sexual contact. They WILL be abusing you.
dont experiment with anyone who hasnt yet developed to the extent that you have. You WILL be unintentionally abusing them
dont feel a need to
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Roles of a person in authority
Nuture, not control
Allow to make mistakes
Allow to freethink, protect from harm
Celebrate aptitudes, even if not yours
Emotional construct
No emotional blackmail
Show unconditional love
No sexualisation
Never show sexualised feelings or love
Never respond to sexual advances
Guide sexual learning 'outside family'
Clarity, not manipulation
Guiding through values
Clear when and why something wrong
Hide your own insecurities
Healthy touch
Pure thought in your touch
Encourage play and sport with peers
No physical harm
Never retaliate with aggression
No punishments or torture
No physical control (unless to protect)
assess yourself
are you at risk of abusing?
safe, no trace kept
improve your self-awareness
do your thoughts worry you?
is your behavior abuse?
how abuse hurts and kills
actions can ruin lives
the impact of abuse
the trauma of abuse
healthy childhood denied
lives lost
getting help
get confidential help
non-judgemental
no legal link, unless others at risk
preventing generational cycle
seeking support is a positive step
